HOW TO GET CRAPPY SERVICE

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May 20, 2013 by calamity3039

I have worked in many restaurants. Everything is the same. All corporate restaurants have the exact same business plans. I have learned quite a bit about service over the years. As a waitress, I know most people do not know how to conduct themselves in public. Here is a list of the surest ways to get the worst service of your life.

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1. Ask for a specific seat. Do you prefer looking out the window? Congratulations, you are going to get shitty service. This is my first clue that I will get a low tip. Being picky about where you sit is a major complication. The reason restaurants have a hostess is to control the timing of meals. Requesting a certain seat messes up the flow. Chances are the server is going to be overwhelmed because of multiple seating. People really think this isn’t a big deal then wonder why their server is frazzled during the meal.

2. Order water and ask about specific prices. This action screams CHEAP! It also tells me the food is not going to match your insanely high standards. People who ask about prices are hinting that they are going to be a huge pain in the ass.

3. Vegans, Weight Watchers, glutton free, and any other crazy specific eaters need to stay at home. Chances are all the food is high in calories and cooked in some animal fat. Don’t waste your time making sure your meal is perfect.

4. If you are highly allergic to anything, stay home. This isn’t meant to be cruel. I know many people who have the slightest contact with seafood or nuts are going to be spending the night in the ER. I say this solely because you shouldn’t trust teenagers and college students with your food. They don’t make the best decisions. If you think just saying you are allergic is going to fix that worry, you are very wrong. Mishandling of food is way too common for you to risk it. Multiple people are cooking the food. They don’t know if those tongs being used for your food has touched shrimp.

5. Looking under 40 will get you ID for Alcohol. If you don’t resemble a prune yet, carry your ID or no alcohol. We aren’t trying to flatter you by suggesting you look young. Most restaurants use the rule of “if they appear under 30”. If you are 40 and find that a compliment. Than great, toss another dollar or two in with my tip. However, if you are insulted. I don’t give a damn. I had a 28 year old cop get pissed that I wouldn’t sell her alcohol. All she had was the badge she kept flashing around (she thought she was entitled to free food) and her cop ID. Yes, I turned down a cop for alcohol. It was very funny.

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6. Implying, hinting, or asking will not get you free food. It is highly insulting. Assuming that you can have free food will just increase your total. Most servers leave out all the extra charges that are suppose to be included in the check. Usually this is done because we feel for those on a budget and don’t condone inflated prices. When you feel you are entitled to a free meal, your server will add every extra they can. We already know our tip is going to be low. This just gives us hope in karma and that you can’t afford to come back anytime soon.

7. Asking your server many questions. Don’t get me wrong, menus these days have many options. Without a picture of the food it is hard to make choice. This is directed to people who don’t bother to read the menu. I have had people keep me at their table for 10 minutes as they ask me numerous questions. This is a waste of my time and the quickest way to not see me again for a very long time. Tying up the server’s time means they aren’t waiting on their other tables. It means you are taking money out their pockets as their other customers get pissed. It means they are going to be doing double the work getting refills and other shit for their tables. Chances are you have pissed them off in the process and won’t get a friendly atmosphere for your meal.

8. I love waiting on potheads and drunks. They are low maintenance and high tippers. All they care about is that they get food. As long as you don’t do anything utterly ridiculous, carry on.

9. Don’t come into a restaurant in a large group and expect perfect service. It doesn’t happen and you are mentally ill if you think otherwise. Your food will come out warm or only slightly hot. When 30 plates of food are being cooked and served at once mistakes will be made. There is no way around it. Getting offended makes you look like an ungrateful asshole.

10. Not tipping a server more because you are offended by mandatory tips. Those mandatory tips are there for a reason. Eight or more people is a high ticket total. I have to claim tips based on my sales regardless of what you tip. I have to pay 3% of my sales to my bartender and my busser. If you don’t tip me appropriately I pay out of my own pocket for you to dine out. Not only that, my time was wasted when I could have waited on other people. I have seen many people say they were offended and they would have tipped more. Never say this and come back. Servers remember customers more then they know. There was a group when I worked at Denny’s (they don’t have mandatory tipping on parties) that did this crap. They got horrible service every time. The servers purposely made sure they had a bad time so they wouldn’t come back.

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